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Hello 30...


Hello 30... 

Saying that out loud doesn't make it feel any more real.
It doesn't even help persuade me to think I could possibly be here yet.
Interesting how it seemed so far away... so, dare I say it, old.
Yet here I am. 
I can't say I feel, old, nor ready for any of the things I once associated with that word.
I barely feel able and ready to face the world as an independent woman let alone be able to be responsible for a family any time soon. 
I still very much feel like a young girl unsure and unprepared for the 'real world.'

Which if I am being honest, I thought I would have had the whole, 'package' deal at this age.
Only when comparing myself to my friends and those around who have 'it' I find myself freaking out that I have somehow fallen behind without realizing it.

Deep breath. 
As that is not at all truth.

I cannot say I regret where I am now. 
This journey, this adventure, could not be any more exhilarating and freeing.
I find myself afraid, unsure, free failing without voice as the scream is stuck inside my throat.
And yet there is an odd peace that washes over me in these moments.

I am where I should be. 
The choices and decisions I once made in my youth to help govern the person I am today, are not without purpose. 
They are the very thing that has allowed me to do and see all that I have. 


To experience a new joy and challenge that would not be for the taking if I did not allow to be pushed from the nest of comfort, safety and security.

Thanks to His grace and new mercies only, everyday, in allowing me the strength and courage to take a road, leaf covered and unknown. 
With difficulty and challenge, I have found these views most rewarding and fulfilling.


My eyes.

My heart.
They contain my 'Souvenirs', 'My mental pictures of everything'.
I feel blessed for all I have experienced. 
For the family and friends I get to call mine.
For the strangers who took me in and included me into their world, and in turn have become my home away from home.
Often the question comes, what are you doing after September. 
Honestly, I have no idea.
Here is what I have learned. 
We must have dreams and a vision for our future. 
But we must not cling to tightly to them but hold them loosely in our hands before God, our Father. 
Allowing Him to be in every area. 

Affording Him a voice in what we should hold more tightly to and those things we may need to loosen our grip on.
Because sometimes, the things we want so badly, when they do not come to pass, can cripple us from being able to live our lives in any other way then the way we always dreamed or hoped it would be.

Here's to whatever may be...30...here I come.
"My Souvenirs,My Mental Pictures of everything...Life was just happening"
 'Souvenirs' -Switchfoot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOxjLnR8JR4










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